Looking Back

Well my time here is almost over. I still have 5 weeks until I go home, but I’ll be finished with school on Friday! That’s crazy. I know that the good memories will stay with me forever, but I hope I don’t forget the bad ones, either. There were so many good things, but it was quite a challenge along the way.

Without doubt the toughest thing for me was standing out so obviously. People know that you are a foreigner, so you are automatically treated differently. Some people treat you better than their neighbor, and some are resentful. People here are generally very friendly, but when someone strikes up a conversation with you on the bus, it is hard to tell whether it’s someone just being friendly or if their intentions more along the lines of networking. So many people see foreigners and think “That’s my ticket out of Africa.” My friend Jacqueline admits it. She likes white people and only dates white men; she sees them as a way out of the system. Not that I blame her. I would not want to be roped into marrying a man who didn't see me as an equal. There are certain things that are expected of women here, and Jacqueline doesn’t want to be governed by those expectations. On one hand I say kudos to her—break free from the system! On the other hand, it’s hard for me to take our friendship seriously. She really doesn’t know much about me other than that I’m foreign, but she talks like we are best friends. It’s hard to tell what people’s intentions are here; some want to use you to climb the social or career ladder, some want to rob you, some want you to bring them to America, and some people are just genuinely being friendly. Unfortunately, this means that it can be quite hard to get past superficial friendships with people here and also unfortunately, it took me a long time to figure this out.

But it’s been an amazing experience. I’ve learned so much, like the fact that crossing cultural lines isn’t as easy as I once thought. I depend so much on the other foreign students here because we come from a similar culture and language. Language is crucial; that’s another barrier to getting to know people more than just superficially. I’ve gotten to know many of the foreign students much more than Tanzanians. The Tanzanians I have gotten to know are the ones that are generally better at English than others. That, or they are Kenyan, in which case English is not a problem whatsoever. I have a whole new respect for people doing things like the Peace Corps. I always thought that I was a super-independent person. Peace Corps? Cool, bring it on. Now I’m not so sure I have the patience, the drive, or the ability to entertain myself that something like that would take. I think I’d get too lonely.

I’ve also learned quite a bit about the hardships people face here. There is a really noticeable absence of middle class, so most people are living in poverty. It breaks my heart, and it is everywhere. I’m afraid I’ve become hardened to a lot of it; children begging on the street don’t pull my heart strings quite as much as they used to. I wish I could help everyone, but that is going to take some changes that are much much bigger than me, and I know that realistically, I won’t make much of a difference in the whole scheme of things. That sounds depressing, but I just mean that I am realizing what is reality versus what is me being an idealist.

My experience in Tanzania has been amazing. I’ve been exposed to people, places, and ideas that I would never be exposed to at home. I’ve learned so much, too. I thought I’d come home with a whole new direction in life; I thought that my ideas and values would be confirmed and I’d come back knowing what I want to do with my life. As convenient as that would have been, it’s not really the way it happened. I have truly learned a lot about myself, but I think I might be more jumbled than I was before. On the bright side, that means that my African adventure still won’t be over even when I get home.

Well, I have some pretty cool things planned for my last month here. I plan on going to Uganda for a couple weeks, and then my sister is coming to visit in June. I can’t wait! Traveling around will be quite different than living in Dar, but it should be a lot of fun. I’ll keep you posted.